before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize