I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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