In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
