guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
