i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
