I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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