The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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