My room smells like vodka and shame
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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