scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
