Soap is not a condiment
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
