There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize