it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
