i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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