you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
please come you make the beer taste better
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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