We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
