So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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