I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The cops high fived after they tackled you
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
