You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
