Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you traded sex for a burrito?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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