I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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