Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
