Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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