Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
