just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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