this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This couple is walking their pig around campus
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize