how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
