I could make wine with my vomit
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize