What a fucking waste of an outfit
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
