stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize