Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
how do you play pong handcuffed?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
