New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
