he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
