She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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