WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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