You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
