this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Send help, water and tortillas.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
