Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
