I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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