Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
