I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
