Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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