Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
