He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just gargled with NyQuil
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
