I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
