this boner is exhausting
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize