Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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