Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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