I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We got so high we made milksteak
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
