what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
