You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
