Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
