Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
