Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
