Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
