I think i peed on brittanys purse
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
