i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
