I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
