First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
