i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
