If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
be right there i have to get my cape
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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