I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
