i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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