a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
