How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the day after is always just damage control
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
