Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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