Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
