the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
